thought i should check out my dec 04 entries, see if i made any resolution for 05. and i realised there were only 3 entries. haha so of course, there were no 05 resolutions.

well, resolutions.. arent they always the same? i will always resolve to study harder, control my temper, be less selfish and treat people nicer. and every year, in some aspects i will fail..so every year the same resolutions are made. so what for make resolutions? haha

uneventful day today, except i went ahma's house, and she kept asking how come i went, out of the blue? sat for 4 hours today (?) getting my hair cut, washed, dyed, treated and now i feel lighter, but my head is rounder. haha

busy day tomorrow! kboxing with gen and her friend, pat in the afternoon, going for crab dinner after that at simpang bedok, then it will be 2b bbq at hanjing house! i need 1st to recuperate,2nd to be a good girl at home..

so i can only see you when school reopens.. meanwhile, happy new year people!!!

if ever you think i'm in a relationship not for love, but for fear of being single, please tell me.. i hope it never happens though..

i realised i am not really steadfast in love.. i have a damn pessimistic and skeptical viewpoint most of the time, and a slightly more cheerful one other times.. happy times(aka no quarrels), i think maybe the rs can last, once quarrel, i think breaking up is easier.. why lidat?! can somebody make me stop being lidat?!

haha i believe love doesnt last, but i also hope that maybe it will.. as ql said i guess, we're all hoping for that love of our life, but afraid it wouldnt come.. haha

falling in love is supposed to be a good feeling, right? but maybe i must be cautious in love.. cause somehow i feel that my scope of the world becomes narrower, i become less rational when i'm in love..and spending less time with my parents and friends also bugs me.. for fear of making me upset, they dont say anything, and i pretend everything's ok..

my ideal relationship, hmm...in a few years time perhaps i'll tell you.. but i do know reality deviates from dreams..

holiday season, was supposed to meet alot of friends, but i fell ill.. so sorry that we'll have to wait some time to see each other again.. take care ya? enjoy the last few days!!

this shouldnt be the only time we think about giving, but it's the season when we are resolved to show our loved ones we love them, and we are less selfish and more in the holiday spirit to do so.. not exactly right i guess, but as human beings, we try our best=)

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!

my brother zui teng me le!! haha he bought me a red fila jacket! and he bought my pa a wallet, my ma, a necklace, and himself an adidas jacket.. and we shared osim uzap as a present for my ma! i know i shouldnt view material gifts as mark of affection, but i love my brother all the more for his generosity!!! *muackz*!

the season of love makes me think alot about my my views on love-am i too weird? or too scared love wont last?

5th fever! hoorah! plus diarrhea, what more can i ask for? sick of being sick. going to see doc again, cant the doc come to see me? why is my doc in tamp!!! roar

i'm so full of shit this morning.. unbelievable tummy ache.
kinda lethargic and mopey today, not really in the mood to go out, since tmr have to register subjects, and i didnt sleep well..but i shall honour my promise.. thankfully mahjong set can dont bring..
xmas is 3 days away!! yay!! tmr night going to meet the see-them-once-half-a-year people to kbox at cine.. ahaha..but how can i stay out when i am workin on 24th?
din get to eat dinner wth my family last night, due to a silly miscommunication..but there's always another time!!! =)



why cant do i do the right thing to please myself as well as everyone?? why do i have to go home early, have cinderella curfew hours?

nobody knows for sure when results are gonna be out, so i can only listen to hearsay and check diligently. hmm

always imagined the worst will happen, but thank my lucky stars it didnt..perhaps we fret too much, perhaps its cause a certain someone didnt show up. happy birthday my three darlings! 19!! =) get yourself something nice like what you promised!

work is neverending, sad that i gotta work next week.. and i have no idea when i might get to wake up at 11am again.. :( just wanna slack at home, and rot to my heart's content.. just wanna go out and enjoy myself, without having to entertain or socialise..

Ah! dropped my razr v3! haha

the words that are on my noticeboard, i must always remember them, in case i ever need to use them on myself.

driving later today, and i think i will suck at it. haha but oh well, a happy thought keeps me smiling =)

out every evening this week, except for tomorrow, looking especially forward to that with jarrod and gen on sun. haha =) finally i can my work begin to end.. haha yay!xmas coming!

scratch my handphone and i will gek sim die. black isnt my colour, but the phone's slim! wahaha, just that i take 5 minutes to compose an sms? haha

my friends are back again, the usual 4 that have the ability to make me cough sneeze burn and curse. sick for the third time in a month. doc says if i dont recover fully, i will have to take a blood test for dengue. scary thought, but i think i will get well. haha

staying at home i also gotta work.. haha my mum is so lucky to have me. =p but she got us both a V3! havent seen it though.. haha yay! i can change hp!

just realised that i've gotta go back to ntu one day to clear my hostel fees thing. oh the journey. :s

3 days into the job, and i'm tired. totally exhausted. want my beauty sleep. neck is extremely sore. eyebags huge. but i'm still not grouchy yet. haha maybe at the end of 14 days i will be, but right now, i'm still friendly.. and my best friend's my bed. haha =p

ok whatever plans i've made for next weekm sorry to say, haiz, have to be cancelled, or at least postponed. for two weeks. i've just been urgently recruited to work. i could have said no, but my mummy looks so tired and washed out that i cant bear to decline. and my father asked too.. so i shall be good girl, and earn some money instead of spending it.. two weeks, if i never blog, you know what i'm doing.

if a blog was meant for me to type every single thing that comes to my mind, i think each post would be a 4000 word essay, minimum. haha but of course, who doesnt type selectively?

i hate whiny children, and their mothers who let them roll on the floor making a din. they should be barred from public places. roar!

i wanna get a pair of nice slippers!

happy just to stay home.. tired legs, zero shopping mood yet. next week i'm gonna kbox! yay~!! not exactly looking forward to school, i could have a holiday forever.. haha

let me grow up happily, dont let me know the feeling of loss at so young an age.. like watching "little women", such a touching show..

legs are tired from walking too much, without buying a single thing. has the shopping prowess indicative of women deserted me?

do i look like a lounge chair when i sit cross-legged? a 5 year old miss goh seems to think so.. holding her makes me feel old, like my role has gone from the one being protected to the one who is doing the protecting..and she is so small, makes me wonder why life is so frail.. her ceaseless innocent chatter, will it be gone when she grows up?

slept past 12noon, but i wonder how much quality sleep i got.. absolutely nothing to do today, just enjoying the feeling of slacking.. haha

mon is housekeeping day, tues with the girls-finally exams are over for weeinn! and shell goes to japan today.. hope she enjoys herself! =D

watched potter with gen ydae, at cineleisure! haha always good to see her, we are super crappy, but super fun.. =) thank god, i booked seats, we sat 8 rows from the back.. haha and watching at orchard really less children, or maybe they are all watching sesame street performance at taka. haha

potter's not nice! dumbledore's not nice! and why cant they just stick to the story? it's already saddening enough that they had to skip lots of parts, but why edit the story? roar! maybe should just learn to separate the book and the cinematic experience..

you'll love some girl, i'll love some boy, we'll move on, wouldnt we? what's the definition of normal? i dunno how to treat u normal, staying the way we are isnt really normal..

why is my life so messy? 'what if'...

from birth, girls are meant to be protected. but sometimes, i would like to believe i can protect myself, or maybe that the world outside is not so scary.. blabbering cos i keep scaring my dad.. sorry=x

contemplating a blog change. so no one ever knows.

another day of selectively reading off the net, in a fervent desperate attempt not to fail my HC803: Chinese Tradition and Society. the only damn paper standing between me and my freedom.

i cant wait for 25th to come! muahahaha

we're ok, back to where we were a few months before, all over again. i have a knack for hurting people, being selfish and heartless.. but his magnanimosity surprises me yet again..

hurt u time and again, shld be time i stopped, rite? pls take care of urself, for my sake perhaps..

i'm thinking that i should hug a "long-time-no-see" friend the next time i meet him/her. haha cause nothing express some emotions better than a hug.. haha like that time gen hugged me at bugis, i can feel she's happy to see me, and then the hug just brought out a feeling of closeness.

haha but this is not a hugging society, and i'm not very huggy.. haha let's see

woohoo~!!! bio paper is finally over, though i think i wont do well, but oh well, i'm just celebrating the end of bio!!! 25th would be chinese paper though why must it be in the afternoon? but a thing to look forward to is meeting gen for harry potter!!! yay~~!!

sth makes me wanna haiyo again.. haha

woke at 11! am i a pig or wad? gotta mug harder~~tmr's bio! i am afraid of a paper i've never taken before, a subject that does not encompass phys or chem..and the only way to score, is to memorise, the stupidest method i've ever known. -_-

watchg potter with gen next fri! haha and then holidays would finally start!=D

bio sianz.

restless,but it's bio! no choice, gotta mug.. why din i S/U HC803? haha i better have nice post-exams plans!!

i am a person who can forgive, cant forget. words that stir enormous emotions within me, i will always remember them.

i hate irresponsible gays. if you must sleep around and expose yourself to HIV, please do the community a favour by not donating blood! and especially not lying that you dont sleep around! disgusting people.

exams during november feels weird, like the whole world is holidaying except me. and with my parents so busy, i feel like an abandoned baby. hahaha=p

i wonder why my webmail and blogger are in chinese. oh well.

physics paper was easy, but i let ten marks go too easily. damn. i wanted an A. nevermind.

i gotta retake mass and energy balance in yr 2 sem 1. is it better? at least i get to try again..but perhaps going for the exam was a better choice?

3 papers left to go.. why do i end at 1630 on 25th?!

i din realise how i scared my friends with news that i fell sick during exam, until ql called and asked if i'm really ok for friday's paper.. haha sorry for the scare, but thanks for the concern!

am i really as strong as imagined? but i must say, i aint really happy in uni.. perhaps the slacking ways of old have taken its toll on me, to go on in my studies, i must change my habit!

i miss 2b ppl, miss the gers, evan, gen, ql, drama gers.. cya soon ok?=)

*striving towards my honours!*

din go for mass exam, n i heard it was difficult, to say the least. getting better, though i dun feel good at succumbing to a viral fever.. is it due to stress? i think so, the feeling of dread grips my heart, and i cant rest nor study properly.. haiz.. i never had such a bad bout of cowardice.. haha

mum din realise bro n i both sick till i called her at 1115pm.. i hardly ever c her during nov to jan.. sometimes i feel her dedication to her work is a form of neglect to the family.. n when she asked dad to stay on to cook dinner despite e two of us being sick, i was disappted. wanted to say she din care, but i found out she din noe.. wanted to sae she din love us, but i rmb many a times when she had a heart-to-heart talk to me, the times when she wld come in to tuck me in with a "gdnite, i love u"

i said e same words to my bro last nite, cos he was e one hu cared for me ydae.. todae i shall do e same for him..

have u ever told ur family u love them? or tried to show thru action ur love?

i'm tired, physically and mentally. sick, down with fever, flu,sore throat and a heavy head, contemplating whether i should get an mc for tomorrow, since today all i did was lie in bed, and take cold showers.. how am i supposed to think with a clear head, there's nothing inside!

for once, i fear.. fear i cant get past myself..

my family is always there when i need them, thanks!

maths paper down! i think it's doable, though how well i fare remains a mystery.. with maths you can never be sure, you could do badly due to carelessness.. but well, i'm just glad it's over!

5 to go!

totally agree with calvin's words on ql's blog.. ahaha n evan's pic on her blog is distracting, though sweet.. hahaha

exam stress made me sleep fitfully last night, amidst a nightmare of being late for exam. gosh, i'm a nervous wreck!

maths has always been a pain in the neck. when will i ever be done with it? heck frobenius!

i cant bear not seeing you for 21 days! no way!

and ppl, let's plan when to meet! =D

Never liked reading Time very much, but then again, this week's article, a report on global health, kind of struck a chord within me. I live here in Singapore, where top killers are heart diseases, cancer that sort of diseases, whereas people in Africa die of AIDS, tuberculosis,malaria,diseases that could have been prevented. Unfair ya? Where you live determines your life expectancy.

utopia- a world without infectious diseases.

if possible, everyone should do a part to help. there can only be so many bono n bill gates.

the darkest days of my life-mugging! haven started exams,but i'm stressed! n i m sianz todae! wanna yell, get out of the hse, hide under covers!

but maths, i shall conquer u! haha gg crazy...

does it hafta be 21 daes b4 i can c u?

studying with the window open gives fresher air, which i think aids in studying, or perhaps the fragrance of the flowers outside just calm me down..

time is runnng out, but just have to give my best. even if it's too late, i can only blame myself.. learn from this semester, next semester try harder!=)

ql's msg made me smile.. hee

hee did nth today, dire need for studying le.. roar!

had a happy day yesterday! bio test was ok, but negative marking sucks! haha

met darling for movie ''all about love'' then we ate n ate, haha gonna miss him in the mugging days ahead..

met hong at bugis to accompany her buy a friend's present, then met up with yinjie,leen,weeinn.. so long never see them le! if only shell and tingyan could make it, would be the best! but nevermind! still had a fun time with them! really missed them! took quite alot of pictures, but the camera's with hong for her special date today=p

and when we were about to leave bugis, saw gen! haha so yesterday was really a happy day, to have so many friends together! hee=) too bad no evan, or ql.. but nvm, í'll meet them soon! =)

moved everything back from hostel today, finally! yay!

minghui is now going to try her best to mug!

bio test tmr! sianz

bittergourd for dinner tonight! realised that to cook a meal really requires a lot of love, to scrub a lotus root clean for making soup is no easy feat k? missed dad's cooking, though only for 3 days=p

p.s.exams approaching! aH!

just saw that i kena tagged by weeinn to describe my 5 quirks..well,here goes!
1) i like bittergourd!just this one dish,i'm happy!
2) i have a secret fear of becoming an aunty housewife!
3) i read every genre except sci-fi.. haha
4) i like being alone at home-the freedom hee=)
5) i could never ever sleep all day..

lalala..time to prepare for school!

short but happy date today..dont have to do anything, just feeling your warmth, hearing you talk, and lying on your shoulder, i'm contented.. how nice if we could do this forever!

ql dun sad k? he's coming back soon!

lethargic=.=

exams nearing.. please dun ask me to go out, not even to study.. i study better alone.. haha at least i think so..

short breather tomorrow- no school!! =)

i didnt fail mass test, unbelievably.. haha gotta mug!

where's my drive and courage?!

hey hey!~!! exams coming~!! let's make the best use of the limited time to mug hard! it'll be over soon!

c'mon, we can do it!

quick update- failed my driving test. haha saddened but thanks to gen, i got over it quickly. no big deal, just retest lor...

maths test today i think is gone le.. haha so will be tomorrow's mass test.

kbox was fun! nose dropping off..

i wan holidays~!!

time is running short, i am running a losing race with time. deadlines looming,going crazy. damn vulgarities are not of any help, yet i sputter them constantly. pissed off, pek cek. fucked up. WHY? learnt too late not to procrastinate. damn damn damn.

leeting off steam, i'll be ok =p

is it really possible to think that i can pass 3 tests and produce a 1000 word chinese report on culture? i must be mad. down in the doldrums again... why doesnt study break start earlier? why have i delayed studying till the last possible minute?

24 hours a day isnt enough, 4 hours of seeing you isnt enough...

dissatisfied with my life. had an impulse to break down, cry or whine abit. but i wont. digging for courage to face the toughest week i am ever going to have. driving test, chinese report, 2 tests. i know crying is not being weak, but i dont wanna wallow in despair. i might fail my tests, but i want to say i've at least tried. =)

coming home every night is tiring, but the familial warmth is enough to make up for everything. love my dad,mum and bro! =) i hardly believe my good fortune in having such a loving family=)

3 girls' birthdays coming up! let's meet once before exams!

*crossing my fingers- pass my driving test!*

awkward day at school today, tension was in the words we say, the lame jokes joycelyn n i try to make.. how come? haiz, life will never be the same again...

must continually improve driving! at least enough to pass.. haha..18th 1145am-1230pm! wanna be a first-time pass driver! meeting gen after that to karaoke! haha regardless of pass or fail, as joycelyn says, must still have flair and style=p

came home to see a very very cute blog by a friend who is happily in love... so happy for her! happiness is hard to come by, must grab it when it happens!

two tests next week...

had a rather upsetting thursday and friday.. what happened on thursday you already know.. what happened on friday was a friendship was strained, perhaps it may be even lost. another friendship was lost but it's ok.. at least we now know where we stand..

pepper lunch was nice! even during dinner! haha oops lame=p

just wanna hold you closer from now on, the memories we created i'll always hold dear.. =)

successful mobilisation this second time round. thanks to all those involved, hoo-hah wasnt intended. i didnt calculate that whenever i dont bring my hp, people would wanna look for me, and when i do bring my hp, nobody does.

i was MIA for 3 hours, watching a movie at JP, AWOL. 8 smses, 18 missed calls. and i did tell my mom,just that she forgot to tell my dad. feel guilty towards dad and bro. ultra thanks to qiuling! the most hardworking girl who contacted about 50% of my friends just to locate me.. muackz*

tomorrow have to lug laptop to celebrate grace's birthday, plus i'm broke from driving. as if not enough, some people think they are king.

while bathing, black out, due to lightning. hall 11 sux. missing my dear=(

should stop grumbling, no mood attempt anything except sleep. but i left with a question- how did qiuling get the numbers of my friends? her frenster networking quite lihai.. haha

the book kind of struck a chord within me. to become a mum, does it have to signify you lose part of your freedom, your ideals, your spontaneity? would your actions become weighed down by responsibility and more consequences?

did my mum lose herself? but i think anyone bound by love would lose a part of themselves to their other half, not their hearts only, but perhaps a little freedom, that once gone cant come back..

but the world is made all the more beautiful cause of love. =)

dont think that you have a higher post, hence you have the right to boss other people around. you're wrong. it could be due to your arrogance that things dont get done the right way anymore. you arent that good, the world still functions without you, you aint that important. shove your arrogance back down your throat, and treat people with humility and respect. get it?

ranting... dislike the person who thinks he is superior to my dad. hmph!

"forward together, back together, right together, left together, forward turn, forward turn, right in right in, left in left in, up up up up, kick and kick" one of the happiest times in my life..

how to get rid of this restlessness within me? the urge to drop everything and run away?

living a day by a day, not the way i want my life to be, but the way it somehow turns out. people say things will be fine in the end, exams one month away, will this hold true?

hoping to withdraw from hall by end of oct, very suicidal hor? haha but home is where i feel most at ease.

not thinking of committing suicide, but death seems a pleasant end, though the pain one leaves behind in the hearts of those loved ones will always linger.. reading a book "the lovely bones" by alice sebold.

i'm a nervous wreck when it comes to exams, and i'm unprepared, or under-prepared. feel f***ed up. just do. pent up anger. no place to vent. no way to hide.

in sleep i find solace. nitez

4 unhappy blogs, and then at least one happy one... I LOVE HOME! haha no tests next week, feeling good.. though exams are coming, let me enjoy this short reprieve for a while ok? =)

ql throws confetti in the air, before i even said anything concrete.. but the truth is, we've never left each other what. he is always there, and this time round, i promise to try harder, not to be a pessimist, not to give up on our love so easily. we'll make it to the altar.. haha, save harder!

happy happy happy happy happy happy happy YAY!~!

i feel comfortable at home. safe too. knowing that my dad is around, think hard to find anyone who gives me a greater sense of security than him. i know he will protect me, and do everything in his power to lessen my stress. does anybody of you not know how much i love my dad? haha

home again.. stayed only one night in hall. haha after lab ends, i think i will commute daily. i sleep better at home, without fear of oversleeping, dont have to lock door before going toilet. haha

exams are coming! ar!

cheer up hong! n get well soon ql!

caught in the midst of the rush hour today, left wondering what all people are rushing to.. work? study? what for? in the end we all have to die, wont we? if to maintain our existence on Earth is so hard, and we cause so much trouble to mother nature, why do we have to reproduce more devils to ruin the earth? aiya, die earlier is better la, suffer for a shorter time too..

and i'm just one insignificant individual of the rat pack... dun think i slept well these few days. tired out.

didnt know you meant so much to me, until times of fatigue. dont wanna treat you for granted ever again.. 20 months together hasnt been easy, thanks for not giving up on me=)

can everyday be a weekend? can i get married to be tai-tai? got chauffeur got maid, do nothing but shopping watch tv and sleeping?

why i so ambitionless all of a sudden? where has my courage run away to?

amitabha,amen. ql ask me pray to pass.. haha

mummy is right, i cant afford to lose. i dont like the feeling of losing out, when i know i am definitely capable of victory. but my willpower and heart are weak. sigh.

feel like cursing, but what good can it do, except to tarnish my already non-existent image? but the alternative is to cry... in the middle of the night, when helplessness and despair overwhelms me.

never had such a feeling of doom as now. haiz. really gonna fail le la.. spectacularly too. haha back to the kind of situation when i study will fall asleep.. starting to be tired liao, even without touching anything. sey!

going home on monday, wednesday, friday. haha i should stop staying hall.. but lecture at 830am daunts me! haha

will i get my surprise be unveiled tmr? haha lalala...home beckons!!!!!

yay~! change skin to cheer myself up, and ask myself to have faith in love. haha =p

P & A chem sucks. all the more i am determined to pass it this time so i dont do it again next yr! ROAR!!!~!!!

ill, and not getting well yet. feel like coming home everyday, but the 830am classes deter me..

meatballs that ate manhattan are nice! but i'm getting fat!

i miss u...

not in the mood to blog, with three tests coming up in the week ahead. P n A chem, bio n phys. kill me, pls i implore..

e last lap of the journey isnt easy...

HAIYO! HAIYO!

had a minor accident yday. i'm not the driver, and everybody's ok. just that freddie's car had to be fixed, sorry ql! haha=p

hoping for this week to be over, i'm just taking each day as it comes. sian. but as the week passes, we'll be one week closer to P&A chem as well as bio tests. and not to mention a week closer to exams.

second class honours-possible?

ps not depressed or anything, juz voicing tots

is anybody blogging? why does it seem that hols is actually tiring everyone out? one week break isnt enough! primary sch to jc, study ten weeks then one week break, doesnt seem as tiring as now..when we only study 8 weeks!

lab report done, chi presentation left to go! haiz.

more driving lessons coming up!

dinner on sat at crystal jade, feeling was ok. dont really expect alot anymore. but they remembered my birthday, touched.

peaceful 19th birthday. shell leen weeinn yinjie hong came my house and stuck 19 candles on a seafood pizza. haha nice of them to accomodate my lazy wish not to step out of my house. haha love them! =)

had dinner at new park hotel with my family last night. realised that we've not gone out for dinner for quite a long time le. haha home food to me is already heaven! haha buffet dinner! so fattening.. =p

lunched with gen today, caught up and took photos.. birthdays always make me think, what will i do without these great friends?

had my first birthday celebration yesterday,albeit a very short one... haha those 3 sweet lil morons bought a cake, and we ate the whole thing up within 20 minutes.. haha love them! =p

recess is finally here!!! =D nothing more needs to be said!

ql ask me blog.. but i got nothing to say, studied today, at library! haha kinda nice..

ate zi char at city harvest for dinner, not too bad..

tired, but got chinese presentation to do. and the two tests! omg. haiz

12th will be spent at home with the gers.. actually i really juz wanna slp, but their good intentions hw can refuse?

happy tat evan's happy.. haha yay~!

tot alot in e shower. tired. why hols not here yet? why do lecturers hafta torment us lidat? two tests in final wk! boo! =(

this entry will be posted only when i think no one will see it. right now, i just wanna clear my thoughts..

everybody see me, inevitably wanna know the same thing. how are we? i know they mean well.. but it makes me confused.. am i doing the right thing?

when we were together, the pressure from my parents made me feel extremely cornered.. i want to do well for studies too.. and to me, i can do it better without commitment to him. but now i dont think so. i think i can do studies as well as relationship.. but definitely i cant do it with my parents in the picture.. perhaps i should go underground and in the dark? but not fair to him what..

wants me to be happy. makes me happy. but i hurt him. i want to hold him close, but i'm scared i will wanna push him away again. dont want him to always be there, when all i do is hurt him all along. dont want him to be sacrificed for other things in the eyes of this selfish pig. roar..

thoughts in turmoil.

i dun wanna celeb my bday. nt tt i'm scared tt nx yr on i'll start to be twenty sth, but this yr all i wanna do is really juz slack at hm, slp on bed roll ard, read a bk watch tv.

but i noe it's not possible.. cos i haf frens who wanna celeb my bdae wif me. haha n leen wans to treat us...

e tot of one wk recess is e only thing keepin me moving thru the tot of 2 tests, both of which i think i will fail

oh well.i wan break!nth else matters

mind in chaos. not really in e mood to study. but i gotta.

choose... wad do i wan?

i dunno......

endless road..

the truth is tearing up my heart_i cant recognise this place_the endless road without a stop sign_cant even find a stranger this time
why am i still holding back my tears_in this loneliness there's nothing to fear_every chord still seems a wonder_how we could be together_everytime i ask if this would be the last
why am i still talking to myself_hoping you will have the keys to my cell_every song might calm the weather_but it just draws me deeper_how do i get out of this_i think i never will
a crystal forming in the eye_maybe this would be the last_the winding path down my face_till i begin to taste the bitterness inside

the tune was made for the english lyrics..dont you think?

i'm gonna enjoy a wkend wif my hp off. hu cares hu is looking for mi? home is heaven! hahaha though today there's an uncomfortable silence..

i'm unreasonable. i noe tt. i cant change, cos i'm lidat. so sorry.

anything compared to hall internet is fast. haha

the whereabouts of the lizard from weeks ago is now known, it has been dead for at least two weeks behind my stationery drawer. and it stinks! not to mention disgusting! !#$^%$^#&*!

had a very happening day yesterday..! haha every fri the 4 of us crazy morons would just be thinking of places to go things to do, might as well dont go lecture la..

1030 we got 4 hour break, and.... we went kbox at lot 1! sang for three hours, inclusive lunch, but e lunch sucks. haha it was fun~!! didnt know they are also so cute, imageless.. think this is why we are so anti-others..

after school i studied with mindan at library,but i didnt get much in.. and all too soon, those morons decided to skip lecture, and we were off to cineleisure for movie! RED EYE. i cant remember the last time i was at orchard. haha so sad huh? but during the movie, we were very nervous, keep patting each other's arm and speculating what's gonna happen. quite funny la.. and after the thriller, we were all too high! so we decided to catch another movie-the longest yard. this show is too funny le, laugh until we three stomachache ar! nearly too high go watch another movie, but if so, i dont think we would have reached home before dawn..

a late night out always make me feel my parents as well as brother's worry..i am incapable of taking care of myself at the age of 19? felt guilty, angry, but also gratitude.. i think my brother must have contacted at least three of my friends to locate me.. a late night out= being irresponsible? i think i'm too guai, for late nights out to be unusual and highly worrying.. but then again, i'm always so guai, one late night out is not ok? haiya..

anyway, reached home after 2, freddie drove us back.. nice guy.. haha and together with joycelyn and sharon(who didnt go orchard), they are great company. thank god i know them.. haha =p

ps.. e stink lingers. puke*

yay~! finally my laggy hall internet allows me to blog!~ so happy!!

correction to be made: leen n her cousins( 7 in all) won $10K haha..

dinner tmr outside.. nx mon wif evan.. lunch ydae was wen nuan brand de.. haha

other aspects of life is boring.. look back on this few yrs sure no trace of deep thought.

sulking in my corner. know not your fault, but i'm angry. i dun understand, why muz u be so gd to me? one dae wun u realise tt it's nt worth it? i'm nt worth it? sorry shld be wad i shld be saying, nt u.

leen won $10K~!!! wah~!!

printing notes is so boring. quit sch le la... sian diao.

nth to sae le. haha

scared hong e other day.. haha paisae.. but glad to report, i'm much better le.. frens do miracles, but eventually up to myself to change my mood and perspective=)

blog more when there's time. i'm gonna fail this bio quiz=p

i miss my bubbly brother.. if growing up means having to lose our closeness, i'd really rather not.

blogging line by line cause otherwise i'll be flooded by my thoughts, and you by my words.. so ya.. an early day today.. bio test on fri though.. can i make it?

miss evan, she's e only one i havent really talked to.. but i'm really tired from my timetable.. haha she's so gonna bite my head off

no special lunch today, but there's always another time..

i wonder why we have to grow up, cant we just skip that part and proceed immediately to the part where we are grown up? haha save trouble..

miss my family, the familiarity of home.. it's only sunday! realise i really am doted upon..lots!

dont like my brother being rude to my dad.. actually i dont like all who are rude to elders. haha not preaching though..

but i'm worried about my brother.. he's been moping around the house, irritable and not the usual him.. can the idiot backstabbing get kicked far off to faggotland? dun mess wif my bro! idiot!

three words should describe my feeling now.. Home Sweet Home~! hahahaha

been cheering since last night, so happy~!!! yay~!

yay~! finally a happy blog today! never knew to have dinner with friends is such a happy thing! hong cooked a nice curry, and there were 5 of us for dinner! hong shell me ql yj! to see ql kinda surprised me, cos nv expect her.. but tt's y it's such a happy dinner! hee, v long nv see yj too! see frens jiu shi happy de! haha nw juz muz c evan joyce n md le.. haha n e moe gers!

i muz learn to wash crockery more thoroughly though =p

[=who says i miss u? i juz pretend i dont=]

i wanna be enthu! but i'm drained.. how to be enthu then? haha mug harder ar?

ppl arent really blogging.. why? some too tired, others to enthu? haha i dunno..

n i'm still typing a few lines per blog.. hmm =x

lalalalala, university supposed to be happening right? then should be i not happening le.. i got nothing to blog lehz.. except the ever tough pile of tutorials..

I WANT MY SECOND UPPER HONOURS! sth to show for my hard work these 16 yrs!

tutorials are making me toot. hope this situation will not last.. hahaha

should stop blogging in sentences.. =p

sianz. shen xin pi bei. lost in bio, kinda lost. no orientation le.. cant find way that leads to satisfaction and second upper honours..

competition from chinese and m'sian scholars make me think sporean students quite sad, like dont have such an interesting background, enriching education. we dont have such drive to fuel us forward.

miss home, miss familiarity. but adapting is a skill required of the strong.

will not be defeated. though dark days now, literally too.. every night blackout, dunno pay hostel fees for what.

shell finds it funny that i posted a note on our washing line outside, asking her to stop using our clothes line. and that person really took back her clothes, so it's actually effective what, funny mehz? hahah actually abit la.. =p

lab today- bomb calorimeter.. and the assignment i really dunno how to do. sianz. hee

my life is just like that ma, revolve around school lor.. nothing much to type also... hahaha

but life is so far ok la, just try to hun lor.. =)

back at hostel, zzz.sianz. lessons in full swing tmr, tuts are beyond me, hope-where's it?

but i come to uni to learn independence,so i shall try.. e dae i succeed will be e dae when e tone of my blog is no longer despondent..

it wld be nice to haf somebody to hug=p

gdnitez~!

think all ntu freshies have one thing in common on their minds-the printing of lecture notes.. and how to do tutorials, and hoping to make friends

psychologically drained, but will go, it's the only way.. just wanna keep my circle of friends, stay in my comfort zone, but it is nt meant to be.. so i'm left feeling alone in the throng of people flooding the bus stops, lecture theatres...

only belief holding me intact is "everything will be better", as i tell myself, as others say so..

muz be brave to face this whole new world!can do it!!!

oh ya.. quite long i din get to use com, din blog, n din check out ppl's blogs.. hope everyone doing fine.. n ya, let's jiayou though start of school term is tough..anything call me! hall 11 blk 53 can come find me too.. haha

take care n i love ya~!

yay~! back at home with a nice laptop, a nice bed, and nice family~!

next week, shell n i have to jiayou with our studies as well as laundry le.. tiring though, even without the laundry part.. but i shall try~!

oh ya, home is heaven with an air con=p

small hostel rm~!

school has started, and really, i dont think a single one of us is thrilled. actually it wasnt so bad for me, till i realised that hostel is boring, and lecture notes are a many.. then i felt kinda discouraged. but i believe things will be better, though currently, it is quite lonely..

and ya, i dont think there is anybody who i think ought to know, but whom i haven told.. sc n i not together le.. but we're still close.. ya, dun ask me explain why, cause i think at this time, we're better like that. =)

let's all give it our best shot!

my com is gone beyond any hope of repair..haiz. so i shant be blogging, if u havent noticed.. sch gonna start soon anyway, moving off to hostel this sunday~!

busy weel this one is gonna be though, thurs will be lunch with the girls,fri engineering talk and dinner at 85, sat lunch with gen and dinner with 2b.. cya'll~!

take care ya?=)

ps using bro's laptop

in the afternoon, there was a chirp from inside my room, that made me think, did i let a bird in by accident? and then there was a second chirp. oh my god. did a little bird build a nest among my dried out bouquet?

a big lizard crawled out~!and went back behind my radio..and crawled out..and back in, where it has remained till now...

the chirp was the mating call of the lizard,according to my bro.

why doesnt my ankle seem to be getting better?it's still swollen....... =(

i shall have to stay at home for two days at least, even though my ankle feels ok, but i shant risk it. staying home really got nothing much to do, except watch scv, but most of the time, the shows on air suck. haha

accepted hostel le, but it's really so far~!

got hall 11, the furthest anyone could possibly imagine. and when evan thought i said 7, she was super happy, thought we could stay same hall. alas, it is not to be.. kinda sad that it seems none of my close friends will be staying same hall =(

i still believe in you, i know you can do it =)

got things that i have to think through, i'm guessing myself what will be the outcome. the time has been great, but should it continue in this manner? will it be for the better?
hardly at peace tonight, where can i find calmness?
ya, i noe, i'm supposed to be at camp, but walking all over the place with a sprained ankle till 2am isnt really that appealing to me,so i'm back home. i'm fine, dun worry=)

i realise i am lazy to think nowadays, stuffing everything to the back of my mind, hoping one day they'll be gone and hence i dont need to sort them out. ostrich ya?

from audrey's nick, saw a website for this year's drama performance. the images, the feelings they were trying to convey reverberated inside my heart. i'm proud that both the skits got gold awards, but i am sad i wasnt there to share the joys of it. i am also sad that i only got to know through the website, like any other person who perhaps never knew ahs cds.

i admire boon and kaili for their passion and committment to cds. i often wonder how do they keep that fire alive, when barely 1 year has passed, and already we are just almost strangers. it's sad to feel like a guo ke, to be unable to share that sweet and touching joy of having staged a successful performance.

i remember our finales, they were simple, yet till this day, i have yet to feel such a simple satisfied kind of happiness again. i miss drama, but i havent been contributing to it. now those wonderful memories are just photos in an album...

can we find that gan dong elsewhere?

about to make new friends le, miss all the old friends even more.. qiuling,hong,leen,shell,yinjie,tingyan,weeinn,evan,gen,shaun.. some friendships are not as they used to be-some became better,others worse. but the presence of these friends lit up my life,even if only for a brief period. we shared precious memories, unique and irreplaceable.. =)
as we embark on a new phase of life, i wish all of u all the best, from the bottom of my heart. may all of u reach greater heights and achieve all ur dreams=)

-=disclaimer: above list not exhaustive=-

i shld try to make my days as smiley as this always...

stupid ezlink card expired~! i think smrt stupid people scared i use child fare cheat them. but where got ticketlink office open at a freaking 12noon de? idiotic card kinda spoilt my day. but nvm, met darling today =) hee, watched war of the worlds. that movie makes you think, is that end really coming? must say i quite like the show though, haha=p

next wed is the cbe camp! cant wait! but what if there are some people i dun like? wanna make new friends but at the same time wondering why cant all of us still be together?

p.s. changed tagboard, hopefully now everyone can tag.. -_-

a change of skin. cos i'm feeling restless. no music this time.. hahaha

perhaps i shouldnt have quitted my job so early.. staying at home makes me feel like i'm a recluse. wanna go out, but then when i'm out i feel like i have no energy to do anything. what is wrong with me? =(

people online dont talk, and nobody tags..
another friend cant make it to NTU, haiz.
i'm scared uni life is not what i imagine, what will become of me then? in the doldrums of depression everyday? will i be homesick? new things kinda scares me.. i was never brave.. =(

slacking life is good, and once again, when i least expect it, people suddenly blog. haha and i gotta catch up!
watching scv whole day long,same as ql=p nothing much happened, just that shell n i went out yesterday, and both of us didnt buy anything! *gasp* but actually did not know what to buy la..
planning for hostel-what should we bring? a fridge? hahaha

~*a new life awaits ahead*~

i got a new skin that i like very much, but it is harry potter based.. so i shall wait till the movie is out before i use it.. hahaha =p

SEPTEMBER
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize.Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows
emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

quite true i find it..what do you think?

i should stop dwelling on it, move past it, since grumbling aint no use. make myself feel worse only. haiz.
didnt buy anything today, going out again tomorrow, and driving on sun.working on mon. life is monotonous, as i have made it.

flowers my darling sent me today at work! hee, my lousy hp camera not doing justice to their beauty.. =p thanks dear! 

files~! one last portrait of the life i leave behind~!hooray! 

supposed to put my pictures up, but i'm lazy.. take a look anyway if you want..but be warned,i'm not a pro photographer, and ya, lazy caption too.. load take super long!

need to log in before u can view though..

http://www.imagestation.com/album/index.html?id=2125408274

the thing that is on my mind is still on my mind.. but i will be optimistic, everything will be ok in the end=)
finally quitting in 2 days!yay~! but perhaps i shall work for mum at shuqun pri. maybe..
mum stole my digicam. dont know what to say. haiz.
cheer up people!=D

i need to know what to do.. but i dont know how to sort out the messy things in my head. i could choose the easy way out, but i dont want to. yet to continue as it is, i will be facing pressure. what do i want?

"when everything seems to be coming your way, you know you're in the wrong lane"

if ever i think my parents dont love me, pls shout at me. if ever i break their heart again, pls pls slap me. these 2 people, together with my brother, are the people who love me the most. since the day i was born. unconditionally, selflessly loving me. i am so so so fortunate, and i did not learn to realise and treasure till today. sometimes i wonder if i should be the younger sister, my brother looks after me more than i look after him. i shant ever say stupid things again to hurt them in a pique of anger.

i'm touched by my family, the way they love me, and i love them too.

went shopping with ql today, walked 3 places, bought nothing. unbelievable.

my feet hurts.
my darling's sick.
and i still havent talked to my mum.

frustrated, but forcing myself to smile.why?

i cant quit this friday, saddened. but oh well, the end of work is not too far, it's next wed! =) shall celeb after that!

hostel thing causing a rift in my family. why after 19 years, they dont seem to trust me? words cant describe just how disappointed i am..

staying with shell =) uni's starting and there's so many things to do! yay~!the feeling of going back to school is just delicious! hahaha

sad to hear problems with friends' relationships, but i believe they will tide over it, and then, eternity will await them in the future one day =)

hostel problem not solved, kinda frustrated.

even after 5 years of marriage, my aunt still calls her husband darling, and he gave her flowers on her birthday. her only lament, aiyar, why you never send to office lemme haolian? put in car got use ar? haha

i'm not exactly very independent, but as soon as i can, i will move out. i dont wanna live under your manipulative authoritarian rule anymore. except that it will probably break my dad's heart.

not a kid anymore, let me free.

a 5.0 megapixels sony cybershot is good, just that to upload pics you take damn long. ntu's matriculation package is here! but who can be my roommate? =( driving lesson again tomorrow, i think i suck at driving.. haha dear u go learn driving then drive me around k? =p

talking crap...shhhh!

hey heyz! back in singapore! but i din buy much souvenirs-sorry people! nothing much to buy lehz.. but i had a fun time though, my mum's colleagues were very 38, gave almost everybody in the group nicknames. and the meals provided were super sumptuous, minimum 6 courses per meal. can you imagine? i no waist liao la.. hahah

my mum bought a lot of mud products though-translate to chinese la.. had to carry like siao. but both my pa and her happy can liao. actually i also quite happy lehz, cause i talked to my brother alot.. but one thing no good, my mum treats us like we're 13. i went taiwan for 7 days at 16, and she cant trust me to take care of myself at the age of 19. hahaha. nvm..

missed sg after staying for 5 days in msia. contradictory ar? but clean toilets and my own bed is just too heavenly to forget. and how could i not miss the person i left my heart with? =p

tired, but happy. load pics another day.. =) take care!

one more day to end of week! yay~!! then is shopping day with baoying and hong,followed by cds alumni dinner.. driving lesson on sun,hopefully can see dear after that, adn monday i'm off! dont miss me too much!=p

slipper disintegrated today 15minutes before i could get off work.the centre strap dislocated(imagine abit la) then at the first floor lift lobby, the side strap dislocated (again, imagine the scenario) too! and i was laughing at it for a good whole 3 minutes, before i pushed sok to get scotchtape for me from the security people who were trying hard not to laugh. hahah and so, that pair of lousy slippers ended its life, in the rubbish bin. hahahha

sok ask me how could anyone love somebody else so much?

i wanna be independent, mature, confident, and exuding the kind of beauty that comes naturally, from within. but it seems hard. and how do i do that without losing myself? without becoming selfish, aloof or superficial. of course, this is just a dream.

i'm going to malaysia this 6th to 10th of june! hahah just making an announcement for those who might still be blur...

chein ning's last day of work yesterday, one less person to crap with le.. =( but we had subway! hahaha walked all the way to holland village and all the way back.. longest walk and shortest lunch ever..shall miss her.. =)

tpjc does not open on a saturday even if it says it does! made me waste time going back to get my cert. and i spent the entire afternoon cross-stitching, being the slow poke tortoise i am.. dinner was at breeks, for shell's birthday, happy early birthday!!

hong finally got her letter of acceptance from ntu, but leen got nus rejection letter.. haiz.. pray hard all my friends get into where they aspire to be..

who can i share hostel with?

made a bet with chein ning that if i get good honours, meaning 1st and 2nd upper honours, she's gonna treat me lunch for a week. hahah and we're gonna meet in university k? dun worry so much le.. =) hong too.. the acceptance letter will come de..
work just got more stressed.. how is that possible? =(

i wanna meet many people, but i've got no strength..can they ever forgive me? i miss them alot though...

i dont know whether my life is what i want it to be, heading where i want it to go. i dont even really think i know where i want to be headed. all i know is i have to strive hard to get where i would want to be.i just hope at the end, i'm still the same old me in terms of personality, more mature, but still the same. i want my life to have more direction, but i'm too lazy to get it to be. waiting for uni to help me sort my thoughts again, to get my life back on track...but it's all up to me..

some people need a wake-up knock on the head, hopefully they dont get it only after losing something they treaure most.

i know a blog is a person's personal space, but sometimes, i wonder if people feel embarrassed writing stuff to praise themselves?

i've accepted NTU CBE, i dont think there is a wrong choice between NUS and NTU, it just depends on the mentality i enter the school with. i just hope that mentality is not the 'TPJC" attitude-lackadaisical. i want to be enthusiastic! cant let the last 4 years of my scholling life go down the drain, as did the past 2 years! i want to live meaningfully! =D

my weekends for the next two weeks will probably be used up..

feeling lethargic these few days, we're only temps, cant we have abit of fun? with spies lurking round every corner, people glancing in our direction every time they walk past, how to breathe? sianz.

was up for shopping today, but having to go ubi in the morning drags me down. guess i shall see ql and celebrate leen's birthday over the upcoming weekend le. then is there still time to meet evan and the 2b people? hmm, even if my maths isnt that good, common sense would have told me the answer-no. how? things should straighten themselves out..

but i have two driving lessons next weekend? i should cancel one,shouldnt i.. my driving test is so long away in the future!!!!!!18th oct! 1145am!

tea party at 930am tomorrow at the meritus mandarin hotel. Question: NTU or NUS?

swollen eye-bugger. tv's down-double bugger. haiz.. nus gave me common engineering, what if i cant get into chemical engineering in 2nd year? should i take ntu chemical engineering? dilemma dilemma.. if MOE doesnt increase my pay, i'm gonna quit on 11th june!

thank god tomorrow's sat!! this week passed so fast i'm so thankful... but, next week onwards i gotta go AF!! that means 830am on those horrible mornings!=( they better increase my pay after nancy goes, or i quit! haha and i'm working tomorrow! it's all for the money.. that meagre sum=p

my parents are making alot of noise about the family trip(though with 10+ colleagues possibly coming along...-_-) i'm not really excited about a family trip, but as my mom says, it'll probably be our last one together, so i should just oblige her. nanjing shanghai hangzhou and suzhou, in 7 days! cant we just linger in one place for a longer period?

haha the girls at work can be so funnily scheming.. i'll miss them if they quit..they are such a nice bunch to be with!
i love you dear girl, i always will, but i cant seem to reach you anymore. you are always so far away, guarded and behind a wall. i miss the girl who was more carefree, though the mature woman will also be a dear friend. you really dont have to burden yourself with so many things, i may not be able to share that burden, but i'll gladly be a listening ear.. cant you count on me?

slightly burnt myself today under the scorching sun, but well, i dont mind.. =) had an interesting game of beach soccer, where we won 5-0!!! haha of course, the two goals i kicked in were obviously pure luck, nothing to do with skill.at all. hahaha and we proceeded to katong for laksa and ktv. it's a nice gathering, should have more of this, but not too often. when it happens once in a while, people tend to treasure it more, and make an effort to enjoy themselves.
friends should walk through life together with you, hope the 2b guys will always remain friends many years down the road=)

yay~!2B class outing tomorrow!~! going to the beach~! how long have you not seen a brown minghui?! hahahaha =p
but suddenly i realise something that i suppose i should have known earlier.. some friends get closer as time passes, some are still close, but no longer on the same frequency, and so perhaps are meant to drift away inevitably.haiz..
a week at work passes quickly, and pay day is here! =D

took leave today, so happy i did. i didnt have to move 1000+ dusty files.. haha =D
dear cooked for me today-spaghetti with meatballs,prawn salad, and cream of chicken soup~! happy 1 year 3rd month anniversary darling~! i love you!!
pay day is arriving soon, i'm so so glad..
one day this weekend will go to 2b, one day for tingyan's birthday celebration, next saturday will go to cds drama competition, i keep fearing i will have a clash in my schedule,but i think i'm just paranoid..
had my final theory test today, and i made gen nervous again by arriving sharply at 2pm, haha sorry girl=p well, it's her bad luck to take the test with me.. hoping we'll both pass.. hahah and hong waited for me after her driving lesson, and so we settled tingyan's present..=)
i have made up my mind, really, believe me.. and i've decided that falling.mid is still the best tune for the skin. hahaha=p it's soothing la!~!!

i cant wait to be a student again..sian. work tomorrow.

oh ya, i usually dont switch on my handphone on sundays, and at night, i usually switch it off. so please, forgive me if i dont reply. =p

yay~! i got the NTU acceptance letter le-chemical engineering~! but now i'm in a dilemma, NUS or NTU? on the Goh family side(my mum's), all the graduates are from NTU, and obviously they support their alma mater. haha, but nevermind,i've lotsa time to consider, though NUS hasnt sent me a letter!!
i have to pass my FTT this wed! ah~study~!

a peek into the future-could this be my thoughts then? minus away the 16year old daughter at 36, and a second baby on its way...hmmm i wonder
http://www.momlady.blogspot.com

one day i should sit both my parents down, facing each other, and i myself will sit in the centre, holding a "STOP" sign and a "GO" sign. they need to pay more attention to what the other is saying, and really listen. or else, they can never communicate well without anger. haiz

i just never blog for how many days, and people post like 2 posts already. but when i frequently check the blogs, there are no updates. always like that. just wanna tell chein ning to continue to be xingfu, and one week really isnt that unbearable=p evan, i noe it's hard but take care of yourself k darling? qiuling, look on the bright side of life, cheer up=) dear take care of yourself okie? and dont eat too many sweets!!!

i now think that people who complain are unhappy, not the other way round.so i shall constantly remind myself not to complain, and to smile, cause i have many reasons to. =) crystal jade tomorrow~! but broke. =p

ah~! i've really overspent by too much so far!! saddened.will just have to tighten my belt, and dont spend so much for the remainder of the month.. =( now i just realise that thrift really is a wonderful virtue and to see my account balance deplete.. blea

i think my mother portrays a rather strict and scary image to my friends..but she really is nice =) anyway, yesterday gen and i walked miles from ikea to queensway shopping centre and back again to queenstown mrt. blea, and gen keep thinking she's a car, or rather a driver. kept looking at the traffic light for drivers, and when it turns green, she proceeds to cross the road, when she's obviously a pedestrian. haha couldnt stop laughing.=p
crystal jade next week, but i'm broke, and i think i overwithdraw money recently. it's falling to pre-pay level, and i think my brother just got scolded this morning for overspending. ah~!money~!you cant live without it~!

when you miss someone extremely much, and you get to see him, you feel so loved so happy. but when it is time to say goodbye, i just wanna linger in his arms more... no spaghetti today, but i know it'll be soon~!

went out with qiuling yesterday, always so happy to see her. talked alot while eating marche. i think we're both happy now, with a job and a stable relationship with a loving boyfriend. but money is always not enough hahaha~ wanted to roam orchard but i stay punggol! why? and ya, why is my left shoulder longer than my right? =(

i think the taiwan trip is almost confirmed le--yay~!!!!!~!!!!~!~!!!~!~ wahaha =)*grinz*

you should have a boyfriend only if you want to spend your days loving him, sharing his joys and sorrow.not cause of other people's opinions. and so what if you never had a boyfriend? it's just that someone lucky and smart enough hasnt come around to know that you're a beautiful person, in and out.

saturday tomorrow!and i'm going ikea, and shopping after that~! hence tonight i'm typing typing typing~! =p

everytime i make u upset i hate myself..haiz

i thought my dad, from a parent's point of view, would tell me that there is not only one guy that is suitable for me, that i should still keep my options open. at least this is what my mum says. but what my dad says is, only one guy can give me happiness, and only him, no one else. to be with any other guy, i can still be happy occasionally, but not eternally blissful. and from what he continued to say, the most important trait in his future son-in-law is responsibility. he must be strong in the face of adversity, and not be afraid to suffer hardship to bring about better days.

going out this sat with gen~! =)

can broke people dont be so greedy not? why the hell must they steal my shoes? assholes. 3rd driving lesson much better than the first 2..this instructor doesnt make me so stressed..=) didnt go to work today, for the sake of my brother's laptop. all in all, a happy day =D i shall sleep early today! i wanna see qiuling hahaha

slacking at home again.. go out only why is it so hard? haiz.. no mood to do anything, just wanna rot. my poor bro, so sad.. my dear, sick.. haiz haiz haiz

i dun think sylvester sim xiang long is singapore's answer to jay! stop comparing them la, i dun like sly lor.. hahah gonna tio k by ql =p

the revelation my mum made the other day weighs on me..i think my parents are starting to destroy each other..scary..

perhaps i would work every saturday, cause my job scope is super slack. haha but today, the family outing failed to go as planned. daddy forgot to switch off slow cooker, and so my poor suffering brother, already about to meet us, had to take a cab home. and so we shall venture out again tomorrow..

i think dear's hp battery flat le..never reply me.. i miss him~! =p

thank god my stomachache ended le..but i still want sth warm to hug! =p

tmr hope to go escape theme park de, cos i read in today that entry is free! but not sure la..n i promise my bro tt we (inc my dear) would be going sim lim look at laptop.. =D

lesson later! hope to quickly bk lesson in daytime n more frequently!

the question i ask not stupid what- how come you love me so much? i always make you angry n upset, not sensitive to your feelings..so why?

i got a random thought, but it's just gibberish..and juxtapose:- put (things) side by side =p

i hope to go taiwan! but i'm not sure if the plan will go through, cause pa dun wanna go, and my bro would already be studying..and it wouldnt be a family trip if they're not going, which was the original idea for the trip. ma wanted a last family trip, cause we're both growing up too fast for time to stop.

and ya, i'm being morbid..but if any of my immediate family dies, i'll probably never be the same smiley person again.. i'll feel like a part of me has died, i love them so much lor!

ah! i may be working till july! hahaha so long!!!! =p uni life better be fun! i will make it fun! =D

Ah! more PM2S today! but i'm feeling much better...all thanks to dear's woods' peppermint cough syrup!=)
ms congeniality was funny.. haha.. get together more often la!

down with flu, cough and i think a fever is next on the menu..i did not mean to be unreasonable. but i just heck care when i'm sick. 3 days continuously we've had this kind of silence, it bugs me.

my first driving lesson proves what i have always known--my coordination skills suck la!=(

first driving lesson tmr! at 8pm! ubi! omg.so far.. and i may have to work on sat. down wif tekong cough. sighz.

unreasonable.

blogging at this unearthly hour when i should still be slping only serves to let u noe that i have nt been fired.

wad shld i blog abt todae? haha i went to the beach wif my dad to see him fish, and it rained. so, we stayed for a grand total of half an hour~! haha..but i like that strip of beach. nice=) to stand in the rain is fun, frolicking till the wind "capsized" my umbrella.

i still prefer writing to blogging.. juz that to take out pen n paper seems harder than switching on the com. aint i lazy. hahah

i got a personal aim: to get on dean's list.. not every semester, but once would be good.. hahaha and to maintain a CAP enough to let me stay on in hostel.. =p think too much ar? hahah and yes i've changed the skin again, cos i too free la.. rotted today.

i dont think i love him enough, he loves me just so much..
but i know now, i dont want to lose him..
i love u dear..

there was a man who was asked to try a suit by a salesgirl, and after trying it, he mentioned that the left pants leg was too short, and the salesgirl asked him to bend his knee. he said the left buttock was higher than the right, and the girl asked him to qiao4 his buttock.in the end, the man bought the suit and wore it out one day. two old ladies saw it, and commented:"poor man, to be born with such deformities, but the suit does look good"

some of us change ourselves to fit into the people around us, some of the changes can be positive, such as curbing our tempers. others can cause us to lose ourselves. but why do that? aren't u supposed to learn to be happy with wad u have n hu u r?

i like tanya n stefanie's "yuan dian" and shi kang zhong n shin's "ai zhong fei xing". send mi if u haf! hahaha

read ql's blog, set me thinking.. hmm..

learning driving makes me feel so grown-up, but having to pay for it makes me so sianz.. i guess this is growing up for me ya? haiz... it's so much resposibility. i guess university days are gonna be the last of my untrammelled youth.. carpe diem! yet, as i grow up into an adult, something fades within me, the child inside me.. let's just hope this inner child still does show itself at times.. to think that all children wanna grow up and all adults wanna become children again.. hahaha so not funny

a father brought his son to the countryside to stay, hoping to show him that there are people who are poorer than them, and thus learn to treasure things. at the end of their stay, the father asked his son what he thought about the countryside, and the little boy replied:" these people have 3 dogs, while we only have one. while our view ends at the end of the lake, these people can see the whole horizon. we have walls to protect ourselves, they have friends to protect them" it's just a matter of perspective,and i think the little boy already knows that they are poorer in somethings.. just something i heard on 933

actually i wldnt mind staying on at MOE, but then it's in the west! roar! haha so i shall quit on 29th, or get fired. either way, i'm leaving the job.. hahaha

i'm going taiwan~! anyone? hahah 7th june..for 7 days, $900+ with hotel n 90% meals inclusive..think this will be my last family trip.. shall go to play theme parks!!!!!!!!!!!=D

i think i blog too much rubbish recently.. in the past at least there was some kind of thought evident. now it's just rubbish. perhaps life has been too easy for me since i started working. that is so not good.

keep wanting to slp early, but finding it extremely impossible.. the past 3 nights, my bedtime was 2am, 2am , 2am. hahhaha and i watched two spongbob stories last night. it was supposed to be from the movie, but i'm thinking it's a pirated dvd , so i'm not sure.. haha

do u noe it's hard to be a private driving candidate? so troublesome..

and all i wanna do now is slp n slp.. after apr i'm gonna rest for a wk while finding a job.. n i spent awae the money i jus deposited! hahaha dumb hor? but the bag i like, even if it's ex. hahah

oops, this is the complete guys group photo..but still only 3 wif hair..hahah 

"when a man loves a woman"--doesnt the title sound nice? ya, i guess that's the kind of love that lasts, the final half an hour is so touching.. =)

haha i shall apply for whatever things i need to get that qualified driving licence tomorrow! =D

i bought clothes today! (though i spent quite some money)but i'm happy! hahahhaha i belive i'm at the happiest state of my life right now.. but wish i could have more fun, plain old child-like fun=)

we should always look forward, not backwards, and hindsight is thus a rather useless word in the dictionary..

3 strong gers!climb monkey bars take photo still so happy.. haha 

e first grp photo in dunno hw long~ 

all the girls who wnt for e bbq! 

all e guys who went for bbq..and only 3 with hair.. haha 

working life is sianz. more people come and ask me out leh! parents not at home, life quite senang.. hahah budden i miss them. the whole house like so empty, but i like it this way too.. =)

yesterday i was happy cos we had a lame night. today i'm happy cos i'm listening to jay now, and finally online. =) actually lotsa things make me happy, but with the intention of not being too repetitive, i shall not say those things i have mentioned b4 rite? =p

working till 29th! tmr n nx fri no work! yay~!

i went up to the finance division today, and i didnt encounter smelly faces~! yay~! and i like the jasmine flowers scent on my way home from the bus stop! =) nice dinner with ql n joyce tonight!breakfast tomorrow with my parents! meeting dear tmr nite!~ n starbucks on wed nite! yay~!

read the straits times, and there was this columnist asking that we should all take time to count our blessings, even one small one each day would brighten us up considerably and make us happier.

my blessings list today:
1. to be born into a financially stable family who loves me, so that i shall never feel alone and lost,nor end up sleeping on the streets.
2. to have found a person i would like to treasure, and don't wanna lose. =p
3. to have fantastic friends who are there for me when i need them

i feel happy~!

i've decided i dun wanna lose u..dun wanna hurt u anymore.. juz wanna be wif u n love u each and every single day.. i dun wanna be a pessimist le..believe in our happiness =) *muackz*

nus open hse was tiring... i think we walked about 5 bus stops in the 2pm scorching sun? hahaha anywae i brought back many things to read, so hopefully i can make a choice i want n like..

the bbq had quite a high turnout.. but the certain guy who disgusts me, i shall blacklist him. and hanjing jianwei and roy are nice people. =)

certain songs certain places remind me of certain things, but these things shall always, now and forever, be mine, and only mine to know. i guess that's what makes those memories special to me. even if i told you, you wouldnt understand.. =)

and i gotta let my right ear hole close. damn. keep bleeding. got anybody juz wear one earring not?=p

everybody's considering what they should study where they should go... and yet, i'm still dreaming..do i know what i wanna study? do i know if i really like that course so much to specialise in it? hmmm

the week just flies by... wow i'm so glad tomorrow's friday! TGIF! hahah busy weekend ahead! nus open house on sat, bbq at nite, and maybe ntu open house on sun? my parents are gonna miss mi! hahaha and i wanna go out with ql on tues or wed! yay!

life at moe is slack, and boring. zzz. but i like my colleagues, the temp ones=) and i should be successfully sacked on 28th! if not i will quit! hahaha and why don't i know how to umpire? wahlao.. chance slipped by

had more to blog initially, exc that a few people called and i lost my train of thought. nvm! =)

everybody's considering what they should study where they should go... and yet, i'm still dreaming..do i know what i wanna study? do i know if i really like that course so much to specialise in it? hmmm

the week just flies by... wow i'm so glad tomorrow's friday! TGIF! hahah busy weekend ahead! nus open house on sat, bbq at nite, and maybe ntu open house on sun? my parents are gonna miss mi! hahaha and i wanna go out with ql on tues or wed! yay!

life at moe is slack, and boring. zzz. but i like my colleagues, the temp ones=) and i should be successfully sacked on 28th! if not i will quit! hahaha and why don't i know how to umpire? wahlao.. chance slipped by

had more to blog initially, exc that a few people called and i lost my thrain of thought. nvm! =)

stepped into trainee teacher unit early today, and was greeted by a smiling face. a face i have gradually come to like quite alot. not one of those "ya, i see you" kind of face, but a genuine "i care' face. i'm touched when venkat stopped in his slow painful walk to talk to me. he has more physical inconveniences than others on that floor, but he is one of the most cheerful people too. i admire him for that. and i unknowingly caused him to be scolded by molly, felt so bad. yet he still smiled at me.. why cant we learn how to count our blessings and smile at the little things that make life meaningful? happy or sad, life goes on..so why not embrace each day with a smile? =)

keep thinking about that night i made you cry, i'm sorry..everytime i think of those words you say, i feel i'm not good enough, but yet, because of your words, i feel so loved. thank you dear, for loving me so much, so deeply..

*~to love and to be loved is to feel the sun on both sides~*

yay! watching howl's moving castle later with dear! hee =D

going out with hong leen tingyan and weeinn, hopefully yinjie and shell comes along too.. =)

ya, anyone wanna ask me out hor, i free on mondays to fridays. hahaha 530pm to 10pm =p

i have completed my list of movies-to-watch! now i want HITCH!

dun give up. not now. still too early. take care everyone =) love ya!

feel like watching a movie right now. on my own. just to walk alone in the world. haiz.listening to yanzi's 'hen hao'

one stupid line from CLOSER is stuck with me. cant believe how natalie portman's character can say this. it would have hurt like hell. "There's only one way to end a relationship: 'I dont love you anymore, good bye.'"
and only thing happened to cause this breakup. but i think it's possible..
why did jude law have to insist on knowing the truth? the truth which she cant say, and did not want to lie about. being so insistent can drive a person to her end, and cause her to choose to give up. just like that. i think i can be like her too.
and i did.

and the results post:
maths -B
physics-A
chemistry-A
general paper-B3

basic theory test: PASSED!

i know it's just a lovers' tiff. but little things accumulate. looking back on this day, i dont know how you will remember it. but i shall remember it always as the day when my carelessness and insensitivity caused your unhappiness yet again. the first time since 270104 that we stood so far apart.

didnt want to take a cab. could stand you not talking to me on the bus, wont be able to stand it if you didnt talk on the cab. and that was what happened. i know it sounds insufficient, but i apologised. and you still didnt talk to me.

hush, stop crying.

roar.. tmr's the dae. let's c hw it goes. stressed. scared to fail evrybody's expectations. dun wanna hear disapptment in mum n dad's voices. dun wanna shed a tear lend a shoulder dash my hopes break my heart.

i was thinking depressing thoughts, but i think i shall save it as draft and considered it stuffed away at the back of my mind. haha

everytime prior to getting results, or some life-changing moment, i always think of two words : WHAT IF.

the steamboat that night was quite ok, but i always prefered staying up for talking. hahaha.

brain too cluttered to blog further. hahaha nitez..

my bro got his results.ok la, but i think he's disappointed. cause it isnt too good. but then i think it's time to move on le. hope this fri when i get my results i can think so too. even if the future does not point to NUS. haiz.

i hope the results is on fri, not mon. dont wanna kill myself with worry over the weekend.

was talking to my dad on the way home.i like talking to him, but our talks always make me think. at one point i told him i know that mum always doted on my brother more, and he replied that he love both of us equally much. i guess i was hoping to hear him say he doted on me more, but it didnt come, that sentence i was hoping for. ha. of course my dad wont say straight out he loves me more, but that instant i felt like i wasnt special. like redundant in this family. perhaps that's why i'm scared to have kids, what if i dont love them and hence indirectly screw their lives up?( mine isnt screwed, yet.)

was wondering was i eager to get my parents' love in primary and sec 1 years that i strived hard for good results? but gradually came to realise that no matter how hard i try, i'll always be the first born baby who wasnt a boy. the boy my mother wanted. so i gave up.

isnt that sad? to let your gender affect your mother's love for you, to feel less of a member of the family? i'm still affected by these thoughts, just that i learnt to ignore them, to push them away to the back of my head.i would think i rather have nobody love me so i could love myself in every way i can. not for some people to love me less than others, to make me doubt my self worth.

but then i dont think i deserve anybody's wholehearted love. i don't think i can love them as much as they deserve. perhaps inevitably in the end, i'm supposed to be alone. perhaps i will always break people's hearts. but perhaps that way i'll live better, albeit sleep with a guilty conscience. cause i just have to selfishly act on my own whims without a thought for others. but to be alone in this world is scarier than death. my personal wish is just to die early. grant me that. i cant see myself in 30 years. hah

but i still know that my parents love me.

I wanna watch Closer, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, Howl's Moving Castle!!!

wanted to blog yesterday but then too tired to come online, if i did, i'll probably sleep at 12 again. and so i slept at 11. haha like got use. -_-!

came home via publilc transport, and was irritated. hahah. stupid bunch of secondary students calling each other mum, dad, son, and daughter. oh my god! that is so stupidly childish! it really irks me. since primary school, there has been this stupid family tree, and it sometimes extended to aunts uncles and grandparents. and it still exists in secondary and even jc!!unbelievable!

and couple in the honeymoon period aka sickeningly lovey dovey to the core, blocked my way getting off the bus.

steamboat tonight! but the food not ready yet. haha dinner will just have to start late.

yay! i found my ring!!!!! =D
thank god i dun hafta work on sat!! =p but i gonna get fired in the 3rd week of march--MOE budget for temps running low.. hahaha

currently wasting my youth at mum's office..

i might be working in MOE, and i did hear a unit manager say, but i'm not sure the results are out on 4th! but i hope it is la. get it over with. haha duon't fret you people! we'll get good results! =D

i think i should dedicate my saturday to finding the ring! ah!

MOE temp admin clerk. haha the job's ok la=] abit boring,but still bearable. the temp colleagues there are friendly n nice, so are the permanent ones, but they treat temps much like invisibles. results are gonna be out on 4th mar! are you nervous?! ArE yOu NeRvOuS?! ARE YOU NERVOUS?!

and DAMNIT! i lost my ring!!!!! the one dear just gave me for vdae!! =(

watch "I am Sam"!!!!! it's nice! i dunno why, but i've always thought that a father's love can be much more to a child than a mother's love...

and damn it! zhiyong n kangjie in camp on 26th! SHIT! grrrrrrr.. nw are u regretting abit, my girl? u can finally, come early.. hahah

my bro juz reminded mi- results coming out soon! hmmm

i found out the british royal family surname! i think la.. think only lar.. Windsors =]

and yeah, i'm fine. hahah there's nothing serious going on. i was just slightly crazy last night. =p

well, i concede that nobody in their right mind would go for a walk in this crazy fast-paced society, and nobody who would wanna walk would walk at so late a time. but still, going out for a short walk around the neighbourhood at 2135 is not so late. no alarms were needed to be raised.

i hate being interrogated. if i say there's nothing, there's nothing. period. now after being screamed, i'm mad. and hence my silence. but since you thought that i went out because i had some unspeakable problems, my silence would only increase your fears. i know you care,but i really am ok. nothing's wrong.

i won't just run away you know, and i do know that going for a walk at 2135 is unusual but hey, i was feeling restless alright? i'll take care of myself?

thought that maybe you thought i was going to run away. but i aint so dumb. running away does not solve anything. and i have nothing to run away from,except maybe responsibilities and the mundane mind-boggling details of life, but well i accept that shit happens. =]

thought of scaring you by telling you yes, i will be going to a lesbian pub. but i decided, i shall spare a thought for you. after all, i love you.

i didnt mean to make you worry. you're the people i love most in the world, and the ones i'm closest to.

i'm pissed off by my bro! thank god i'm gonna start work soon. 3 more daes n u hafta find mi in an asylum. tt fellow is siao man!

[edited for obscenities =p ]

hmm i suddenly rmb wad a fren said.. she sae she dun like to be attached, cos she will feel attached. like unable to exist as a separate individual frm her bf. like will constantly miss him, wanna c him, and perhaps constantly accomodating him. is there no such thing as non-dependent love? but i tot love at its best is to help two individuals become the best of wad they can be?

get my drift? talking to shell la make me think. hahaha..

got a job! starting work on mondae! at buona vista moe trainee teacher unit. doing admin stuff. =] yay!

watching movies when they inevitably end up with a split personality disorder person is not exactly that interesting anymore.. think a la Identity..must mention though, Dakota Fanning acts well =]

mother's colleagues are coming over for dinner, and i just knew about it half an hour ago. when will she learn to include or at least inform us of plans that so clearly involve the whole family?

pessimism is a bad thing.. like smoking.. hee =p

happy vdae to all ydae.. hmm talked alot to sc todae.. it'snt gonna be easy, n i duno if i can do it. but i'll try, n i noe he will too..

i dun like promises. bcos there is a saying "promises are made to be broken". i dun like hearing promises, would much prefer juz to see e words of e promise carried out. i dun like giving promises, cos i'm scared i will break them. argh.

hope i get e job wif weeinn..

kboxed todae.. happy =p but no yuan you hui or common jasmine orange! =[

i dun wan u to leave mi..cos i love u

y does tired... sound different frm lei4 le..
xinku...

ThE rEaSoN
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

nice song ya.. watching mtvasia concert for tsunami aid relief..
mahjong e whole nite.

I'm a pessimist.

prince charles is going to marry camilla parker bowles! damn. why do they get a happy ending when they indirectly drove princess diana to her own grave? and what's the royal family's last name anyway?

[my own answer: prince! haha you see, prince charles, prince william, prince harry. hahahahahahaah -_- ]

watched constantine wif gen this aftrnn..quite a nice show. like constantine's manner of talking. haha but if u're planning to watch, pls bk online. e crowd's crazy. haha i met gen at 1330 praying to catch 1350 show, though i noe impossible la. budden i din imagine e nx best seats are 1630. kaoz. haha

on e bus i saw sth which set me thinking. n once i start,cant stop. sorry. haha

there was this husband wife n daughter.but e couple dun look together. like nt compatible la. budden who am i to judge? n e lil ger was sitting wif her mum,squirming,trying to get closer to her.n i think she pinched the mother a few times, den her mum cldnt control n pinched her once to get her to stop it. n den immediately regretted it, kept apologising while giving her hugs.

at first when i saw this family, my first thought was, is this what i'll become in the future? in somebody's eyes, a mother, a wife. that all? will you see me for myself? then i was thinking, would i be as impatient as this mother? i think i will, most probably. another thought that crossed my mind was, would i really wanna bring a child into this world, full of evil and sins? partly after effects of constantine also la. budden i've had this tot b4 too. i stimes think of bringing a child into this world as a gift, other times, as a crime. it juz depends on hw u look at this world huh?

hmm still have other thoughts but currently incapable of putting them into words.

beginning to dislike vdae. highly commercialised. n it's only my 2nd vdae. can dun wan any more vdaes? miss those innocent daes, when vdaes meant giving sweets to all my frens, to thank them for being my frens. those daes are gone i guess...but i miss going from 3A to 3L giving sweets, shouting happy vdae! li3 qing1 qing2 yi4 zhong4 ar..

had a crazy thought just nw. if u dare step on my slippers, i shld take a leaf frm constantine's book, and gif u e middle finger. n if u step on my heels[ which i tot was impossible, but apparently some idiot succeeded], i shld crush ur toes under my heels. hahahahahahaha i am evil!

are you good? or evil? ~what you do in life echoes into eternity~

was screening thru my email folder juz nw. i rmb i used to keep alot of things inside.. but i once deleted some emails which were precious to me, in juz a little silly fit of childishness. n i juz deleted some more things juz now.i dun really noe y i keep e things i keep, i juz do.

hmmm there was an email which contained 99 things gers shld noe abt guys. e 99th was, Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in e relationship. which probably (can u pronounce it?=p) says sth abt guys n gers. i think gers think too much when it comes to loving someone,so they are unable to love fully.a guy perhaps juz love e ger wholeheartedly, w/o so much mulling. OR maybe a ger keeps a bigger part of her heart for family, and frens. haha it's juz me speculating.

i seldom forward emails much less compose one. but when i do, it's most likely to be sth tt i cant sae face-to-face, sth i had to think for v long b4 finally getting e right words. so usually it's sth frm e bottom of my heart.but maybe sth painful.

hmm shld start looking for a job. dun wanna rot. =O

hmm i like e mood in e air pre new yr..but when new yr comes along i inevitably get abit sianz. like there's not much to celebrate? there shld be lotsa noise, fun laughter n gd frens n family roaring in ur hse. but somehow it doesnt happen. e first dae is muted,staying at home.. n the 2nd dae is juz routine.

maybe one dae i'll escape new yr to go awae to some nice exotic western country. hahaha, the only thing diff this yr is of e 2 steamboat dinners.. which i'm looking forward to.. =]

suddenly at ahma's hse i'm attacked by a fear that i wldnt noe hw much more new years i can spend wif ahma.

treasure who u love!

hmmm nobody's blogging. n i juz went for my checkup todae. A-ok lo.

not really enthu abt the reunion dinner tonight. dunno y. gonna slp for 2 hrs now. haha

happy new yr everyone!

i wld love for my blog to be using the cursor i am currently using, but well, i cant do it. so nvm. =]

when i have sth to blog, i can blog for ages. but even though i may think alot, sths are better left to myself. if i wanted to tell u, i would tell u face-to-face. if i dun, pls dun ask. of cos, by the time u ask mi, i may have forgotten. hahha

i think cny is a more significant beginning for me, rather than the 1st jan new year's dae. perhaps is due to having to clean my room n throw awae all e excess junk. perhaps this is e time of e year when i esp miss gatherings, n therefore promise to meet up wif my frens more often.perhaps, every cny, i grow older, that's y i think more. haha

lazy to blog le.

staying at home for too long makes me easily irritated. stuffy heat and damn boredom. thank god cny's coming. =]

jay rox! =D

can anybody pls enlighten mi how to change the colour of my tagboard so that no other person will do the same moronic thing as i n yj did?
hahah i tot i moron le she oso. hahahahahaha

haha i'm jobless! n i'm cleaning my room! which became messier after i started. hahaha din noe i had so much rubbish! budden again, it's alwaes in some secluded cupboard where i cant see(or rather chose to ignore) hahaha=p only halfwae thru, shall try hard to continue.. i have lotsa dust particles flying about in my room,care for Brownian experiment, anyone?

i've a busy new year ahead! yay!! happy!

mango systems repaired my com! but they said my speakers are goner! hahah nvm, i shall live with that. so dun u send mi any songs or videos! grrr

torn by this sales job. hmm i kinda frustrated for a few days now. actually i have nothing against sales. but i would rather do promoter, sales asst kind of job rather than a salesman. i dunno how i got embroiled into this stage. maybe i havent been brave enough to speak up for myself so far. but i'm determined to quit. i dun wan to be so contradictory, so unsettled.

but i'm so scared i will regret it later.. wad if this is a chance to uncover the potential businesswoman in me? perhaps i shld try to try? but i cant seem to get past myself. nv tot i wld be stuck in a job which i dun look forward to, a job i dun wan to wake up to work. kinda fucking irritating. pardon me.

i juz received sms.. i quitted! hmmm after so much emotional torment.

find a job together anyone? =)

hmmm i miss all my frens.esp those i have not seen in a long while. evan, qiuling, hong,leen,weeinn,yinjie..

in need of a job. dun wanna gain weight at home.

a big obstacle lurks ahead. but we'll try. =)

luv ya!

at gen's house! haha the dear girl is preparing lunch consisting of fried wanton,char siew,pickled caixin and porridge! hahaha i'm always blessed with good food. hopefully.... =p

cant think of anything else to blog. but i got my pay! =D

meet all of ya soon okie? take care! *hugz*

yay! i get to blog again! my com kaboom!*crashed* le =(

haha ql was saying that i was happiest about her being attached. is it so? haha then is probably because she's such a nice girl, and she's now found someone who loves and protects her. ql found her own happiness, so of course i'm happy too.

of course, i also hope for my other friends to find their own happiness. just like what evan hoped for me. =) my friends are all great people! and i hope to see them happy. but they don't have to be attached to be happy. i just hope they are free of puny troubles in mind, are safe and healthy, and have lots of reasons to smile. =) i like to see a friend smile, to see them in tears pains me, let's hope it'll not happen again.

was thinking rubbish again yesterday. haha wondering if i'm a guy who's out with my gf, and i'm on the verge of walking into a fight. would i fight to protect pride or walk away to protect gf? haha guess sc's answer? =p

let's all stay happy, ok?
lotsa luv for all my frens! cya soon! =D

for the first time in my life, i slept for 14 hours straight. of course i did wake up la, but still, it's an achievement to sleep from 8pm to 10am, issnt it? haha

the past week, excluding friday, i've been at primary schools helping out. i went to an all girls as well as an all boys school. i think i prefer little boys to little girls. they are adorable in different kind of ways, but perhaps the boys endear themselves more to me =) but i must declare, children are only cute till the age of 9 (pri 3). after that, they are little monsters.

while i was sleeping, i thought of many random thoughts. haha but i can only remember one.

"Do you, __________, take this woman/man,_____________, to be your lawfully wedded wife,husband,from this day forth, to love and cherish her/him, in riches and in poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part?"

oh my god, i can memorise the whole thing! i must have watched too many soaps. hmmm.it's a bit cliche la but then again, i think this promise does encompass all that a couple should do for each other, don't you think? however the promise does not state what you should do when your spouse is disloyal, so i guess that you must decide on your own.

i'm blabbering again. haha but nevermind. happier days are coming!! payday! end of work! anniversary! qiuling's birthday! new year!! =D yay!!